What a fizzle to my end…

I’ve been in China for nearly a month now. Actually, I’m not quite sure as I’ve lost count.

The past two weeks have been a grey haze. One being that I was ill, including spending a day at the hospital, and I had food poisoning before that…and the realization I’m finished. And, like I was warned, it’s just downright depressing.

Daily reminders to myself that “I can not go on forever”. I started planning around May 2009. That’s a lot of time dedicated to one endeavor. This has been my life, for the most part since then.

I’m also a bit bummed when I think of the Summer of 2012. I feel like I just didn’t ride that much. The Central Asian deserts and Civil Wars really put a damper on a lot of the dreams.

Last week my back was really acting up and could barely crawl out of bed. It’s pretty bad.

Currently I, and another solo female cyclist, are planning a Winter Expedition. It’s still in the “Top Secret” phase so if it does go off…I need to begin to recover. Frankly, there are worse places to hang out and photograph than Kashgar and Xinjiang.

So, I have this winter ride to keep my head straight along with my other ideas. Some of them require very little funds and time and others involve a lot of training, funds, and a support team. Of course cycling Africa is in the top 5. The other expeditions are without a bike, or some other mode of transportation.

Yeah, I’ve been a bit under the weather. That’s painting a pretty picture, I’ve been downright depressed. I try not to beat myself up about it, that just makes it worse. Trust me, I know. This is an emotional state I’ve battled against since I can remember. You can call my mom and ask her all about it.

Although, over the past 3 years, I’ve only found myself depressed twice. Once was being because I had take a break after this first stint and the second being a heartbreak.

The conclusion is, this emotional and mental states comes mostly from trying to live a life that is expected of me. Not having the freedom to do what I want to do and when. Basically, I get sad when I’m not being a “selfish” “bad-ass”.

There is one other reason I get depressed. It’s when I’m not making images, taking photographs. The other day I was spending time with my Uyghur contacts here and I felt great afterwards. Almost on top of the world. It blew those grey clouds away for the time being.

Maybe some of you are thinking, “Quit your crying…YOU are living the dream”. I’m stuck at my 9-5 job and all these responsibilities.” Granted.

There are plenty of things YOU have that I would love to have. Rather than crying yourself to sleep in a bunk bed with 7 Chinese people snoring…I bet you have a friend(s) you can call up and have a beer with – or just talk it out.

Maybe you get to sleep next a warm body that loves you every night.

You have deadlines, appointments, and places to go and people to see. A schedule. Wow…I would love a schedule right now. Something to tell me when to do what.

I’m just saying…don’t overlook all the wonderful things YOU have in your life that some of us don’t. Things that we (solo cyclists) would love to have.

YOU are more real than ME.

This is an image…a personality. Eleanor Moseman, the “Wander Cyclist”, is only a facet of the person that is sitting behind this computer pecking out her edited for public consumption thoughts, ideas, and feelings.

Even if this chick is an illusion, I hope you’ll continue to follow my future Adventures, and failures.

So, now what. Well, I’ll continue to work my way into this photo project. But in the meantime, I’m thinking of going for a bike ride somewhere for a couple of weeks. I can’t tell you where…seriously.

The End…?

March to Taiwan

Purchased the plane ticket for myself and my bike to Taiwan.  Jason and I are cycling this gem of a country, um…I mean “province”.  It should be pretty simple and straightforward.

I’ve also recently acquired a 10″ netbook for my travels.  Finally I’ll be able to edit RAW and upload them for you to see.  Along with loading up Google Earth and maps and Lonely Planet Guides that just add extra weight.

Cyclists Border Plans from China to India

I’m on a couple message groups for cycle touring. I can’t quite figure out why people don’t start researching border crossings before they begin their tour. It’s almost once a month I see cyclists planning on getting to India via Tibet.

I keep my ears and eyes open to the interwebs and it’s still practically impossible. I got a report from one fellow American, Charlie Wittmack that is traveling the globe via cycling, swimming, or running. He made it across SUPPORTED with local guides, lots of permits, still getting refused passing at points, and a LOT of money.

If I read another post from someone saying we are cowards, not in those exact terms, for “not trying” and that it is part of the adventure…..I’m going to throw my bike at them. As you sit in the USA/Europe planning your excursion through Tibet…finding “roads” on Google Maps…..it’s NOT possible without a whole ton of “guanxi” and even more money.

What I don’t get is that China is so big with about 52 minority ethnic groups and absolutely gorgeous places to go without a fight with officials. So, gently set your ago down, not on the drivetrain side, and come back to reality with the rest of us post 2007 cyclists. If you’ve never been to China you haven’t learned that they aren’t like your friendly American officer that rescues kittens from trees, helps old ladies cross the street, and all those other glorious stereotypes.

Of course every cyclist wants to go to Tibet, and it’s usually always a destination in the VERY early planning. Maybe it’s worth a try from some, but I have a desirable work Visa and would love to have opportunities to return to China. Maybe if you really don’t care, then you can try to be “the one”. But if you only have a 3 month Visa, be careful if you getting turned back at check stops.

This is my snarky post for the next couple months. I’ll have a better attitude next time. I promise.

Ever since…

…Mongolia I have been wrestling with myself.  (Mongolians like to wrestle too).

A half a kilometer before crossing from China to Mongolia, it had been difficult.  One thing after the next.  It seemed THAT NOTHING went the way it was suppose to.  I know you should prepare for incidents like this…but seriously, never in my life had there been days after days of everything just down right sucking!

(I would have more photos but since that camera was stolen I’m missing some stuff).

We tried to ride North from Zamyn Udd but the road disappeared – literally.  I had been warned to NOT FOLLOW jeep/motorcycle tracks as they can lead you nowhere, or your death.  After attempting to talk to two truck drivers (from big Russian-wheelers), one woman, and a young girl in a pink silk dress – we asked them about the roads and he just pointed towards Zamyn Udd spreading his arms back and forth horizontally. (I understood this as saying the roads are everywhere).

This is where we tried to hitch hike.

Looking South towards China:

Looking North towards Ulan Bator (where we wanted to go):

This little girl was spending the afternoon before the Sand/Wind storm blew in throwing rocks at a horse.

We met some great people.  Thank god this little fellow could speak Mandarin and Mongolian.  We may actually owe our lives to him.

They make ’em stronger in the North.

We did finally make it to Ulan Bator, which was a complete fiasco and nightmare.  And where I killed my  budget getting back to China.

After a couple of days of finding maps, talking with people, weighing the pros and cons.  We did set out on a very cold and windy morning.  We passed truck after truck coming from the West, loaded sky high with dog? pelts.

It was so windy, barely making it at 8km/hour.  I was extremely sluggish (I ended up getting really sick that night).  It was gorgeous but I was freezing, slow, and just feeling really dogged.  Jason rode ahead of me but returned when he noticed I was not near.

We stood on the side of the road and watched a storm roll in.  Storms on the plains are amazing…this isn’t an uncommon experience.  You can see it in the distance and time it for duck and cover.  You can also get an idea how long it’s going to last.  This is where I sat, looking out, and made the decision to head back to China.  And this is the exact place where my dreams fell apart.  Take a note of the road conditions…um, I mean jeep tracks.

I’ve longed for Mongolia for years now.   There is something about the stories, the photos, everything…that has drawn me to this land.  Well, needless to say, it gave me a really good ass kicking.  Jason built his bike frame so I was also concerned about his bike holding up, along with his 25kg limit aluminum racks.  Do I regret turning back, probably not…but I regret trying to go North West when I would be face to face with wind.  And I’m talking about a wind you probably have NEVER experienced.

I think of Mongolia AT LEAST once a day and it’s usually when I’m lying in bed recounting my rotations and playing the “what if” game.

So, I threw out the idea to my pen pal, Ed, of the Torugart Pass from China into Kyrgyzstan.  I’m playing with the idea of just heading out of China and pass through the K’stans to get back into the North West side of Mongolia.  I could at least have a hell of a tailwind to Ulan Bator.  Can I handle eating all the boiled lamb…probably not.  But I think I could handle the non existent roads, and it will be a hell of a lot easier to hitch hike as a solo cyclist.  I just can’t be defeated and maybe I’ll get to see Lake Baikal after all.

One of my ideas was to catch a train in China to get to Lhasa.  But yeah, sounds like a super touristy place.  If you know me in the bit least…you know I go in the opposite direction of tourists.   So, what would I do once I get to Lhasa?  Go to India…then where?  I’m kind of getting stopped in those tracks…so it’s to the K-stans.  From there…I don’t know.  That Russia Visa is a pain in my butt!!!!  I may have some guanxi to use for this.

So now I’m thinking of doing a circuit into Ulan Bator or heck…just go to Europe.

Please stay tuned as I’ll be back on the saddle in about 2 months.  Just got my Visa renewed for another year…that’s the most important thing right now.

A lesson I allowed myself to learn (the first of many)

Don’t be scared to ask for help and graciously accept when assistance is offered.

(Unless the “helper” is a Mongolian rascal that lives in Hulun Buir and drives a motorcycle with a blue fuzzy seat cover with the Beijing Olmpic’s icons on it and has a ring finger with gout.)

I don’t know what happened or how I developed an awful habit of not asking for help.  Maybe I thought it was a sign of weakness or a true character flaw if you couldn’t use resources to figure it for yourself.  There are some people that truly do think this – I have met a couple.  These are the same type of people that don’t seem to try anything new either – maybe for fear of failing because they refuse to ask for a helping hand.

When I first began planning this trip, May of 2009, I thought I could use all the books and maps and resources possible to get concrete answers and just move along my way.  Sure, maybe I’ll have to ask for help on my ride, but heck, I can figure this out…right?  WRONG!!!

Within a week or so I had sent out dozens and dozens of emails.  Hey! – you cyclists that think I have it “easy” because I have gear sponsorship – think again….hundreds of emails…HUNDREDS!…many go unanswered.

It’s not the most awesome feeling to ask for financial or additional support.  Especially coming from a Western culture where money is not discussed.  Here, in good ol’China – people just come right out with it.  No taboo or qualm about it at all.

In my very VERY early 30’s – I have this idea that I shouldn’t have to ask for financial help from friends and strangers…shouldn’t I be self sufficient.  Well, if we want to play the “be normal” game…shouldn’t I be married, own a home, and be on to my second child.  Yeah, don’t even let me meander down that road…………………..

When I first started along, I was a little shy about asking.  That shyness broke real fast!  I was traveling along the Grand Canal taking roads that weren’t even 2 meters wide and I’d be lucky to even see a bicycle pass.  I just followed the compass in one direction until I hit a populated area.  Stopping to check a compass became too time consuming so I just began to read direction by the sun – or by the which side of my calves were burning from the late afternoon sun.  (For some reason, the giant blue work trucks will throw the compass off if you are too close.  You can watch the needle swing like a pendulum as the trucks drive past too).

Rolling up into a small town or village, some will run right up to you and ask where you are going.  And in China – EVERYONE likes to give their opinion and advice.  Within in seconds people are pointing and debating which way.  Often times looking at my map and telling me what I already know.  How difficult can it be to ask for help in a country where nearly everyone WANTS to help you.

It’s kinda AWESOME and really helped teach me that it’s okay.  It’s really okay to say, “Wo milu. wo yao qu ….” 我迷路。我要去。。。

(Traveling in China…DO NOT ASK cops for help…more trouble than it’s worth.  UNLESS, you find yourself in a village of about 30 people in Hulun Buir and he is strolling along the dirt road.  Those coppers enjoyed posing me with some other coppers and taking a photo together examining my Passport/Visa.)

Besides asking for help, I’ve always had a difficult time accepting the offer of a little assistance.  Why?  Heck if I know…maybe I think it will make me lesser of a person…weak, inferior, etc.

Well, when you are exhausted, hot, hungry…you learn to accept all the handouts you possibly can.

There is one major exception – MY BIKE!  At first, I was a little tolerant of people wanting to help hook up the panniers.  But then it just got out of control with big ol’ man sausage fingers being stuck in between my spokes (that sounds a little perverted).  Finally, I broke…the biggest sausages and the most aggressive stranger to approach outside a hotel to “help”.  I pushed his hand back firmly and looked him straight in the eyes and said, no I can do it!  (No quotation marks because it was in Chinese).  Usually I let girls and women give it a go because they are less aggressive and harsh with things.  The last thing I need is a broken bag.  AND, females pay MUCH closer attention to how I do it so they do it nearly perfect themselves.  The men…oh THE MEN………….OH….they have their own way to handle.

(Dear Reader, can you sense the feelings I have for the opposite sex here?  This is for another very VERY long essay in the future.  In small towns and especially villages, the men are generally harmless and kind…but start getting into “cities” – it’s a whole ‘nuther story.  That will be also included in my “Rules of the Road – Women Edition”.  I’d love to write a research paper on this subject but I think it may be a little one sided as 90% of my sources would be women.   Does the problem lie with the fact that there are no men in the education system as teachers?  Children are raised my women generally, where the boy is coddled beyond belief?  Where are the role models?  Probably working, making money to support their family…I don’t know – it’s stuff that swims in my head every single day.)

I don’t know if “solo” is the right word for my trip.  The amount of help and advice I have been given, and still receive, is beyond belief.  Every day, for nearly 5 months, someone offered me help of some sort.  Whether it was handing me water out of a car window, offering me a ride (no way), route advice, etc.

What I’ve really realized is that when you, me, us, ask for help – we open up ourselves to others.  And with this relationship wonderful things can happen and evolve.  Sometimes, after riding for hours without any human contact or communication, I would pull over and ask a question I already knew just to see where it would lead me.  Okay, yeah yeah yeah…once it lead me to a dangerous place…but you get what I’m saying.

So, I went from being afraid to ask for help to just going up to strangers with questions that I didn’t need answered just for human interaction.

I have more about all this written in my journals, which probably sounds a little more poetic, but I thought I would share now.

Every day I wake up wondering where I would be…I check the weather every evening to see how cold it would be getting in the NW.  Every time I get on my cruiser or road bike here, I get butterflies in my stomach.  When I road Lieutenant home from the train station a couple weeks back – I have a feeling towards it that I have never felt towards an in-animate object in my life.  She/He has a life of it’s own and when I gaze at her/him, I feel like he/she is gazing back with the same thoughts, memories, and experiences.  Weird, bizarre, crazy…maybe…it’s kind of my best friend and an extension of myself.

All Signs Pointed to “No Go”…and more…

The last time I visited here, we were going to ride around Mongolia.

Well, it was frigid and there would be intermittent rain – BESIDES the hell of a wind.  I can deal with wind when I know there is a town ahead, because you can’t camp in this type of wind.  We moved about 30km in about 3-4 hours.

We passed an Italian that had crossed over from Russia and he had a mountain bike.  The road would disappear and the terrain would be trying.

After sitting on the side of the road debating, feeling defeated, we turned around. 

I woke up with a cold, and lied in bed, stuck in Ulaanbatar for a week.  We decided to take a train back to Hohot/Huhehaote (bad idea).

What I learned about cycling Mongolia – I was very ill prepared.  My advice:

1-travel North to South, the wind is hell.

2-extreme weather, pack accordingly and drop the panniers and add a cart (food, lots of water, winter gear, 4 season tent, etc.) 

3-mountain bike necessary

4-a gps device to give you coordinates OR a satellite phone OR be fluent in Mongolian/Russian

5-a high tolerance for drunks and boiled lamb…lots and lots of boiled lamb

I lost a considerable amount of weight because of my sickness and the awful food.

Would I like to attempt Hell-golia again.  Sure.  Better prepared.  You bet.

It’s been awhile since this so my feelings aren’t so hurt, but I did feel like a failure.  I have to remind myself that being an explorer sometimes means having to turn back.  Jason was even less prepared and the last thing I wanted to do was drag him out to the middle of nowhere – just to send him back with hypothermia and a broken bike.

Oh, don’t let anyone tell you that Mongolians know English – bull. 

We were lucky to find a man at the train station, that reminded of my dad.  (There is a possibility that American Indians came from the Mongolian region).  He spoke enough English to speak to some random dude because we had to fill out paperwork for customs. 

I was afraid of this but didn’t want to admit to it. 

It took 4 hours and a lot of paperwork, footwork, and money.

Well….when we finally arrived in HuHeHaote, you could of found me crying in the train station.  Turned out that we had to get off at the border to take care of paperwork for our bikes.  When was my luck going to turn…really?  God, can you hear me???

We have to go back to the border.

No train tickets, only 2 trains a week.  Go get bus tickets and we are approached by a private driver – we can leave that day!  125rmb a person,he even helped us find a bingguan for 70mb.

So, if you have ever lived in China – you know the drill.  Guess how long it took to take care of the paperwork?!?!

Literally, 3 minutes and 4rmb!

We go back to HuHeHaote the next day.

With all this extra time there, we pass the time at a video arcade.

The bikes arrived – safely.  Found a shop to repair my derrailleur – only one cog ring doesn’t work now – rather than 3.

Nothing too noteworthy since leaving HuHehaote – oh, Jason replaced my point and shoot camera with a Canon S90 – it’s pretty friggen awesome!

We did stay in a prostitution hotel, and was awoken twice by our neighbor being serviced.  Prostitution here is strange, to say the least.

Route 110 from HuHeHaote sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The first day to BaoTou, we looked like coal miners.  The coal mining and the trucks loaded with this was flying everywhere.  We have had only 1 day out of 6 (left HuHehaote last Thursday am) where we weren’t rinsing grey water off our bodies. 

3 days ago, the side wind was so bad it was blowing Jason and I all over the road.  It was a dangerous wind.  It always happens after 5pm and of course was coming from the North….

Except today!!!!  We are traveling South and have a hell of a headwind.

I finally exited Inner Mongolia today and landed in NingXia.

Yesterday, as we are riding along the Yellow River, you see a strip of sand (that we are riding through), then a stip of green, the river, another strip of green, then MASSIVE SAND DUNES!!!

Hey China!  You are turning into a giant sand box.  There are hundreds of dried river beds that once branched off from the river.  I’m riding through imagining what this part of the country looked like 200 years ago.  I bet it was the land of milk and honey…seriously.

Hey China! Quit strip mining, at least have some beautiful mountains in your sandbox.

The pollution has been outrageous since leaving HuHeHaote and traveling West.  Grey skies and the sides of the road are grey/black from the coal particles.  I really can’t imagine what my pink lungs NOW look like.

I’m now 50km North of YinChuan.  I got yelled out today because I took pictures of some men striking outside a power plant.  Jason translated the signs saying “Goverment workers are people too”.  I got surrounded by a bunch of men and just deleted it just to get them off my a$*.  The last thing I need is the cops arriving.

Well China…now that you are #2 in GDP, you are going to have to face up to a lot of stuff.  And this announcement is very loud and EVERYONE knows about it.  Even the poor government workers barely making a living wage.

Good luck with that.

Don’t think I’m hating…I’m really glad to be back in China.  The food, the language – THE PEOPLE.  I LOVE THE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Even the prostitutes…they haven’t really been given another option to make a

I would love to hear from you!